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Friday, November 20, 2009

After the fight is over

After the fight is over

By Dr James Dobson

It’s not the fights that should worry married couples; it’s what happens when the battles are over. Almost all husbands and wives experience conflict, which is not necessarily unhealthy to their relationships. A verbal spat that stays within reasonable limits can open the windows and give the couple a chance to vent frustrations and release some steam. The important questions, however, is what happens after a fight is over.

In healthy relationships, confrontation ends in forgiveness, in drawing together, and in deeper respect and understanding. But in unstable marriages, conflict is never entirely resolved. When the consequences of one battle begin to overlap with a prelude to the next, it becomes a very dangerous situation. It’s a good idea for couples to take a close look at what happens in the aftermath of confrontation.

Are there things that you’ve said or done that have grieved your partner? Do you need to ask forgiveness for attacking the self-worth of your spouse instead of focusing on the issues that divided you? Are there substantive matters that haven’t yet been resolved? Deal with them quickly before they fester and erode the relationship from within.

Remember the old saying – Don’t let the sun go down on our anger. That’s great marital advice.

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