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Monday, September 14, 2009

Sense of Security

Why Do Most Women Need Security, Approval and Consistent Emotional Connection?

This is not the question I ask myself, my question is, 'Why do I find it hard to fall in love?'

Man - is that what I want? just a man? perhaps... but man changes.

Love - if it is what I want, I have got it long time ago .... it doesn't last.

Care - I don't need to be taken care of, I do well in this.

What do I want?

An ultimate relationship, long lasting relationship, life time guaranteed

A man without love - I can't take it

A love without man - what I meant is life time partner, without man.... erm, I will not live long (haha just kidding)

A love and man without care - shit! not practical.

What do I want?

Oh my goodness, I am too much, think too much, fear too much, loose too much, I can't help myself, I am lost, totally!

That is the problem of perfectionism.... you will never find one... consequences - day dreaming the whole life.

Crap...





I enjoy the love like Jesus loves me, enjoy the security that God has given to me, He'll never forsake me, He doesn't condemn, He doesn't judge but guide, He is patience, He is faithful, He is pure, He is good..., we communicate, sometimes we have different perception (hehe, for sure, cos I have my point of view, and He's got His) I fight, when He doesn't agree with me, I learn to summit to Him, not easy though, but I know for so so so sure that He loves me very much, He always there to protect me.

He loves me even before I know Him, I sense of His love, when I am humble enough to listen to Him, patient enough to know more of Him, and sensitive enough to feel that all of the things happened in my life was out of His perfect plan, and trust Him enough to give Him the full control. Ooh! I am enjoying this relationship, but if I tell you, I need Him alone, please understand me, I am not trying to act holy, I just really need Him alone...

Here is the point, be practical lah! Man, listen: Love, care, affection for sure, but not without the sense of security, ... erghm..... In All Areas, I think I've found my answer for my question, it's impossible!

Thank you for reading my nonsensical mind war. ~ The End ~

5 comments:

johnnie L said...

Jane,
i find you are just being honest. I am not sure what you must have gone through that you find it hard to fall in love again. I can only guess. perhaps being betrayed once? It is not unnatural to want to fall in love or to be loved. There is so many type of love : love from spouse, children. a daughter's love perhaps.(this is my yeaning actually)
anyway hope you do find your love. someone who can love you for who you are.
God Bless.

Jane Lee said...

nope, not being betrayed, just being selfish and being greedy. Haha, I want all, I want full, I want perfect - this is called selfish. that's the problem.
I do enjoy the love between buddies, my son, and Jesus; But I want more than thes - so this is called greedy.

Jane Lee said...

I find it hard to fall in love, because I am (too) wide awake, I fear, fear of loosing myself, fear of loosing control, I will run away before I enter... I fear of the uncertain changes ...

johnnie L said...

Jane,
maybe you worry too much. you even think of things that have yet to happen. should learnt to "walk on water" and worry about the outcome later on. the thing is you need to take that first step. otherwise you will never know.
cheers

Jane Lee said...

Yeah, you are right, 'walking on the water', I should know this, I used to have this 'walk on water faith', I should'nt let my uncertainty halt my way to claim God's blessing. Thanks Johnnie.

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