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Sunday, February 8, 2009


When couple bringing things out in the open means being vulnerable (encourage to have a 'little healthy fight')

  • Expressing your weaknesses and fears
  • Expressing what you need
  • Sharing your feelings respectfully
Why is your Love Connection not strong?
one main reason - You have stopped bringing issues out in the open. Argue, if you need to...but be careful how you argue! Make it a healthy arguing!

We have to learn to bring issue out!

Bringing issues out in the open means
  • Something must be done
  • Seeing your short comings
  • Bringing discomfort, but this is needed, risk must be taken, careful how you argue.
Reasons for not doing so:
  • Avoid conflict - remember: long term pain is greater than short term pain
  • No rows in front of children (valid but shouldn't be an excuse to never be open)
Couple always seeing of "You" are the problem, always didn't see our own problem, careful how you argue. 96% of the time you can predict the outcome of a conversation based on the 1st three minutes. A harsh start up simply dooms you to failure!

Healthy Arguing means:
  • Honoring one another, instead of Belittling

Romans 12:10

Be devoted to each other with mutual affection. Excel at showing respect for each other.

~International Standard Version~

Philippians 2:3, 4

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit,
but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Each of you should look not only to your own interests,
but also to the interests of others.
~New International Version ~

Aware of each others' strength. Some are naturally confrontational, others at listening.
  • Accepting Responsibility instead of blaming

Ephesians 4:2

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

~New International Version~

  • Not going around in circles

Ephesians 4:25

Wherefore, putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour, for we are members one of another.

  • Venting out appropriately without uncontrolled anger
I do not let any unwholesome talk come out of my mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

(follow the teaching of the bible verses to avoid 90% of the fight, you win or loose as a team, no one is getting extra points!) Bring out the issue in maturity, ruminate will leads you too far to come back!

  • Being Vulnerable means expressing your need specifically and revealing your weakness.

Colossians 3:12-13 (New International Version)

12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

  • Apologizing where appropriate. How an argument is repaired is just as important as how it starts. Be humble. Arbitration if ends up in a gridlock situation.

Vulnerability means:
  • Give a 'timeout' to cool down, to think over, figure it out for the good.
  • Vulnerability makes all possible things work.

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