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Friday, September 27, 2013

Last note to my 'buddy'

How should I put it here....
It is a sad moment, where my 'buddies' aren't buddies at all.

After a buddy put his note clear in our buddy group, I admire his deep thought, as a man, a business man, I will not expect him to think like women, and sentiment as one. That's hurt me the most, I can't take the 'harshness'...yeah  I can't.
I try to think like a man most of the time, this is an invisible shield if you could see with your spiritual eyes.

Below is my last note in the group to this male 'buddy':

Admire your deep thought, your analysis helps me to see indeed I have an unmet expectation while I was practising 'no expectation' ....I admit that I did have this 'unmet expectation', but I try to be a friend in your definition (which I also agreed we should have this practice in every relationship) therefore I learnt to have no complaints over you.
I regretted for what I have said  to cause you hurt so much. Sorry.
I think even I do thousand of things they can't meant the scar.

I thought we understand what a buddy for, I was wrong.
I don't usually call or make a friend 'my best friend or buddy', I remembered you asked me once 'who is my best friend? In a pub, I hesitated, I didn't give you a name, you mentioned Shu Fang, I nodded. I lied, I don't know who is my best friend, I have old friends, they are not my best friends, they don't know my secrets, we gather, we enjoy the time together, but we don't talk secret. I don't know their dark side, I don't know what's their habit, what's their character flaws, even do I know one, I don't have to put in effort to accept them. Because they come and go.
(this is your definition of a friendship)

not until I try to learn to accept and I start putting in effort to practise the spirit of being a buddy, I hear all these.
'unmet ecpectation', I am hurt too, you guys are special in my heart,  ..... Don't we have this too? That is why we are not happy with certain thing of this friend and certain thing of that friend.
In this trip I heard both of your complaints. Please be fair to every one.

Unmet expectation is in everyone of us.

I am leaving this group because I don't see the spirit of buddy, don't sully the sacred term 'buddy'. I define it with love.

If you guys mean happy you come and not enjoy you go. well I can do it well too! I have been always practising it. Friends come and friends go.

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