To All Princes and Princesses in Waiting

To All Princes and Princesses in Waiting

By Dr. James Loh Wan Hung

13th March 2009

I am inspired to write this message in response to honest questions presented by a lady. I trust she

and others may find some answers here. Feel free to pass this message on.

By world average, more males are born in the ratio of 52% males to 48% females. How is it that in

adult life, there seems to be inadequate males for females in the mating game?

At the higher age groups, the gender ratio reverses in favour of females. There are many reasons for

this. Males die when they go to war, take up more hazardous jobs, or simply have shorter lifespan

than females. But is this the reason why ladies in waiting cannot find mates? No.

Firstly, marriage is not for everyone. Some people never have the need to marry. It may be by

nature, nurture or choice so that they can serve whole-heartedly in some noble cause. However, the

majority feels that marriage completes one’s life, and without it, a deep sad void exists.

In the older days, education was not accessible to females as easily as males. Without career

training, females were prepared mainly for marriage for support and security. In that sort of culture,

males enjoyed dominance by default because of their ability to provide. It was not uncommon for

the rich males to take many wives for their pleasures. As such, women of this era could be trapped

in loveless marriages and yet cannot break from it because of their inability of self-support. Divorce

and remarrying were also taboo back then. Those days, many wives were mere slaves, baby factories

and objects of pleasure without being able to enjoy pleasures themselves. Mating then was to be

endured and not enjoyed. Marriage then was over-rated, friendship under-rate or non-existent.

Today, things are different, so different that the pendulum has swung to the other side. Women are

educated, career trained, and able to self-provide. They no longer will tolerate being treated as floor

mats, or objects of pleasure, or as punching bags from abusive husbands. Women’s liberation has

also enabled them to appreciate their bodies and the right to pleasure in the mating process.

Suddenly, men feel threatened. Before, men were Heads, Kings, and Princes of their households by

default, but now they have to prove themselves capable, and even have to compete with women

professionally. Men are not longer respected by women by virtue of their gender, but by their merits

of character, their respect for women, and their ability to cover and protect, provide, and to satisfy

women’s mating needs. If husbands are abusive, their wives can leave them easily because they can

self-support. This is the reason why there are more and more guys -in -waiting. It’s now not just a

ladies’ problem, but guys’ as well. Many eligible guys just don’t have the confidence to approach

ladies for dates.

What will become of the institution of marriage? It is under threat.

The onus is for both genders to pull the pendulum back to the centre and not allow it to swing to

either extreme again. How? Man has to rediscover what it is to be masculine, and women, feminine.

Definition of masculine maleness.

1. Respect women as equal partners in life, but with different roles to play.

2. Male strength is to protect women, not to abuse.

3. Males need to demonstrate that they are doing their best to provide for the family.

4. Males to demonstrate leadership befitting the role as Head of the family.

5. Males to take pains to understand women, both physically and emotionally. Appreciate

generously for helps rendered, like a wonderful home cooked meal.

6. Males must continue to quest for self-development so that their ego needs are continually

met via challenging but healthy channels, and not through roving eyes.

7. Males must protect their wives from abusive in-laws and not allow relatives to have negative

influences in the marriage.

8. To observe loyalty and fidelity as the foundation stones of marriage.

9. Don’t be careless with harsh words in times of anger and during a quarrel. Women

remember every harsh word for life!

10. Keep saying and expressing the 3 magic words, “I love you” always, excessively, endlessly.

Women will never have enough of it, and never forget her birthdays and anniversaries,

otherwise the roof will fall down

So the call for guys to their wives is to act, protect, provide, to fill, to love, and not just as DNA

donors.

Definition of feminine femaleness.

1. Ladies should realize that a female’s charm is stronger than man’s strength. Remember

Samson and Delilah? Behind every successful man is a woman; likewise, behind the fall of

any great man is a woman. If a woman knows the power of feminine charm, she can make a

monk kneel! Unfortunately, some ladies do not know this. All women have this charm, its

God’s gift. Adam was so overwhelmed by Eve’s persuasive charm that he willingly ate the

forbidden fruit despite knowing otherwise. This feminine asset is the single most important

revelation for all women to know and be thankful for.

2. Man thrives in women’s help, support and adoration. This is why, “a woman is man’s glory”.

Women should be generous in praises, but only if it’s true. Praises fill a man’s ego needs.

Flattery to manipulate is not welcomed by discerning males.

3. A man’s confidence is utterly destroyed by negative remarks made by women especially in

public. A soft, sweet demeanour of women’s lips is highly appreciated. A docile tigress is

better that a ferocious cat.

4. Women are weaker vessels (i.e. physically), but not inferior. As a helpmeet, a woman makes

a man complete. So it’s pointless competing with man even if you can. The better way is to

complement the man, as co-partner in life with equal rights but different roles.

So the call for women to their husbands is to help, goad, encourage and comfort. The mere presence

of a woman’s beauty and charm is a source for man’s glory and strength.

Notice that the number of definitions for maleness is more than double that for femaleness. This is

because the privilege of being the Head of the home comes with it more responsibilities and

accountabilities.

In the old days, marriage was over-rated, friendship under-rated. They got married first then try to

be friends.

What is correct is for couples to be friends first, then to talk about marriage. I rate friendship higher

than marriage. If there is deep friendship, marriage will work. Conversely, marriage without

friendship will fall apart. When friendship grows, sex in marriage grows in tandem.

Others jewels of truth

1. If a man treats his wife as a Queen, the wife will treat him as a King. The same is true vice

versa.

2. Do not compete with one another, but complement one another.

3. Male and female are different. The point is to understand each other’s differences and learn

to meet those differences. Learn to meet half-way.

4. Don’t expect a woman to be like a man; don’t expect a man to be like a woman. Remember

“My Fair Lady”?

5. A married man’s body does not belong only to him alone, but to her as well; and vice versa.

6. The easiest way to destroy a marriage is to defile the marital bed.

7. Married couples should keep growing, developing, and nurturing their friendship as a

lifetime commitment.

8. Having children should be a combined decision.

This message is barely sufficient to cover all aspects of love and marriage, but is sufficient reference

for the dating game.

I reiterate my advice I gave my 2 adult daughters – if you cannot find a man who loves and adores

you, remain single and live a full time advancing your career and doing what pleases you and God.

The end.

My Note:
I am so thankful and blessed for James. Well, to have a marriage that could last for life in definitely take effort of both parties, and those jewels of true that are stated above I believe is James personal experiences and tests that he had gone through, they are practical yet so powerful, something that we can just learn and do to others, let us not giving up on doing good to the one we have chosen to love for the rest of our life.