How should I put it here....
It is a sad moment, where my 'buddies' aren't buddies at all.
After a buddy put his note clear in our buddy group, I admire his deep thought, as a man, a business man, I will not expect him to think like women, and sentiment as one. That's hurt me the most, I can't take the 'harshness'...yeah I can't.
I try to think like a man most of the time, this is an invisible shield if you could see with your spiritual eyes.
Below is my last note in the group to this male 'buddy':
Admire your deep thought, your analysis helps me to see indeed I have an unmet expectation while I was practising 'no expectation' ....I admit that I did have this 'unmet expectation', but I try to be a friend in your definition (which I also agreed we should have this practice in every relationship) therefore I learnt to have no complaints over you.
I regretted for what I have said to cause you hurt so much. Sorry.
I think even I do thousand of things they can't meant the scar.
I thought we understand what a buddy for, I was wrong.
I don't usually call or make a friend 'my best friend or buddy', I remembered you asked me once 'who is my best friend? In a pub, I hesitated, I didn't give you a name, you mentioned Shu Fang, I nodded. I lied, I don't know who is my best friend, I have old friends, they are not my best friends, they don't know my secrets, we gather, we enjoy the time together, but we don't talk secret. I don't know their dark side, I don't know what's their habit, what's their character flaws, even do I know one, I don't have to put in effort to accept them. Because they come and go.
(this is your definition of a friendship)
not until I try to learn to accept and I start putting in effort to practise the spirit of being a buddy, I hear all these.
'unmet ecpectation', I am hurt too, you guys are special in my heart, ..... Don't we have this too? That is why we are not happy with certain thing of this friend and certain thing of that friend.
In this trip I heard both of your complaints. Please be fair to every one.
Unmet expectation is in everyone of us.
I am leaving this group because I don't see the spirit of buddy, don't sully the sacred term 'buddy'. I define it with love.
If you guys mean happy you come and not enjoy you go. well I can do it well too! I have been always practising it. Friends come and friends go.
Closed friends.
If I am trying just to become myself, and I wish my friends accept for who I am, and if I put this standard to my friends that they should accept me, shall I also requires such standard to myself?
Before anything happens, friends draw each other nearer, they are happy, they do everything together, talk anything, share any point of view.
Sometimes disagrees happened. As long as each of us make adjustment to accept each other.
Then you will find someone does not know how to play to be part of it. He or she left the group.
When times passed, more conflicts appear, I can foreseen, even though siblings brought up in the same environment they still fight, because we are independent and individuality.
Some sort of balancing skill requires, nothing comes easy, though we are as Buddy, we don't have commitment to each other yet we carry an invisible bounding and responsibility to each other.
Who can deny it?
If it is just all about oneself makes no difference with others, why the hack keep the 'sacred' term - Buddy.
If you plan your own itinerary for Chiangrai and Chiangmai trip, you may find this info useful.
Here is some latest info of green bus service fare and time: Chiang mai to Chiang rai or vice versal
We missed one and have to wait 3 hours for next schedule.
若不是亲自经历过又怎能真正了解自己的能力呢。
每每以为自己练得一身金刚，刀枪不入，其实还不是女人一个，谈什么潇洒的。
以为自己智慧高超，刚愎自用，真要不得。
每一次都是因为自己的高傲，伤了人的心也毁了自己的的名誉。
以为自己的表达能力可以帮助自己理清思路，怎么知道讲多错多。
懊恼了，懊恼了！
原来坚持是一种负担，起码在这个光景不可以忽略妥当的计划，万不能任意行事。人的心情里有好几个不同的成份，成份的份量因人而异，我知道开心，每个人会想尽办法得着，私欲，人人不停地四处奔跑寻求满足。我是一个普通人，我也想要这些。。。可是我。。。在忧虑里的份量比较多，即使可以坚持，心情肯定无从调适的来，无法完全享受所谓开心的日子。
当放弃几乎让你颓丧，经过好几轮的情感，思想与伦理的格斗后，因为看清了方向，安定了心情，原来是一种解脱。啊，我要走的得更远，我要活得更自在，我要自由，我要喜乐，我更要平安！好吧！一言为定，决定了放弃。
解脱吧！
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